Sand Castle

Barely walk straight, my mind is mindless…. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep nor I can’t think…empty!

I feel hollow and empty inside me. My tears flow along with the unstoppable nasal fluid…yes, I’m hurt…DEEPLY. No one can confide me but one.

I had this before. It was bad but this is worse. If one asked me if I’m OK...I just cry….I can’t talk..so I blog..to lift it off my chest….hope this will help

God, please HELP me!

To 'OK' or 'Not to OK'

For many days, weeks and months, I’ve been posting motivation quotes and love at my facebook wall…to get positive vibes in me…believing and sowing spirit of love and peace in me. I have been drilling ‘I’m OK’ all the time, thinking of his word that he’s OK at all aspect I took. How am I supposed to hang on with the OK-ness when my partner is not open to me?

There were no ‘I miss you’, ‘I love you’ or even a ‘thank you’ notes with every shower and gifts I gave him…my soul and mind are always restless…always about him all day long. Am I obsessive? I yearn to have him longing for me…like he used to be…like we used to be

Though we both are busy with our daily tasks and job, surely not everyday our fire is being douse with monotonous of ‘nothingness’? When is ‘OK’ is actually ‘Not OK’? When everything I do and I gave all caved in…that he’s ‘OK’ if I’m OK and ‘Not OK’. What tells me, he is not moved and makes no effort at all to build back what we have lost? Was it in a man’s ego?

All I am feeling now are the pain, lost and confusion.

My friends advised me to move on and I am still holding on to his words, believing when he said that I am the only one he wanted...I love him, still (with some disappointment). He doesn't owe me anything but some explanation ~