A guinea pig

I hitched a ride to the hospital with my dad who was on his way to Putrajaya this morning. Another medical check-up but with another medical department...I was referred to this section by my doctor for further test and diagnosed and I know it's going to be a loooong wait. It was 8 when I shoved my card at the reception, hoping I could jumped the que though my appointment was at 10. Didn't hang on at the lobby but instead went for my breakfast. A long walk to the cafeteria but I don't mind. Just passing my boring time at the moment. Bought myself a few magazines and a paper for reading. I usually spend RM25 on these whenever I'm here. Just to kill my boredom as I'm not the kind of person who loves to lounge around or watch TV while waiting to be called. Thats not Yuna. Hmmm...should suggest a cybercafe in the hospital. At least if I were to be hospitalised, you know..where I'd be gone during the recuperation.

Looking at the time, still too early. Walked to the garden and sat at the bench. Reading! Ring!Ring!Ring! another unknown caller! Funny...I've been receiving an unknown caller recently. It is quite annoying as I don't gives away my telephone number.
Y: Hello? (said me reluctantly)..
Sis: Hi! sis how are you? (It was my sister from Malacca)
Y: Oh Hi? I'm ok.. your name didn't appear (in my phone).. gives me a fright!
Sis: You sound different and terrible...are you alright?
Y: I'm at the hospital
Sis: Whatever for? Are you sick?
Y: Naw..just my medical appointment
She thought I was working today and requires an info to fax to her. Unfortunately I wasn't. It was a short conversation as we usually email to one another. Boredom set in again. Sent an SMS to GG...whatever!

Inside, I felt like a guinea pig. Yesterday I was a mouse. Today I'm a guinea pig! Changed into a white uniform. Whatever on me had to be removed. A thorough check-up and screening. Gave blood sample, urine sample..poked here and there, been swabbed and pressed here and there...whatever betul la! (sigh-ing)...Luckily they were lady doctor and nurses. I just could not take the shameless notion. Aargh! But yet.... "We'll see you in 4 months time!"

I just don't know what to say...speechless...clueless....an idiot! For the first time.. My brain can't think and thus has no say....Maybe it felt that it had been raped of dignity...Aww come on Brain..say something! HELP at least!

Like a zombie after getting the prescription, out I go to get a taxi home. My mouth was glued and my mind just wasn't there!

I love cheese anyway

GG and I were working together from the night into wee hours. It was good to occupied my time into doing something different last night. "Yuna, you may go to bed if you're sleepy" advised GG. You know..I'm not that type of girl who easily gives in when things are running high. Its in my blood. When given a project, I'm 100% into it. An interesting project...you bet 200%, my andrenaline is able to work overtime on the job. Hmm, GG if you had challenge me who would be turning in early...you bet I'll get the prize. We did that once before didn't we? Mr Cinderella! He's the brain child behind the project..I'm just his laboratory mouse on the other side. Testing this and that if whatever thingy is working. Well...Yuna being new in the internet exploration, fumbled here and there a lot! hahahahah...poor GG..he must be thinking...this mouse need to fed with a lot of cheese. Don't worry, G! Just fed me with the cheese...I love cheese anyway. It was 3:10 GG finally raised his white flag. The day's end with his satisfaction but not to the utmost. Project JT requires more presentation and topics but that can wait as he has already set the auspicious date.

Woke up early this morning. It was just a 3 hours sleep. Summoned for an early prayer and checked with the Cakapgold forum as usual. Hmmm...monotonous! I surrendered myself to bed. This time my mind was SO quiet..exhausted I guess..."Padan Muka!" (Served it right! in english). They said "Let the sleeping dog lie!"

It was 10:00 am and I was all alone. My parents left no messages. I think for the past 2 months, they've been monitoring my movements and involvements with whatever blogs, investments or whatever related with the internet...that I always wake up late on Saturday and Sunday morning. My mum usually nagged about it. Of late, no more. So to keep my name in their good book..hahaha...I do the cookings! What? You think I can't cook? I remembered when GG heard me saying for the first time "GG, I had to rushed home. I have to cook for tonight's vege dish" He laughed! "Yuna cook???" he was amused! I think all these while he had imagined The Summoner Yuna Braska as in Final Fantasy 10 or 10 part 2...and Yuna COOKS!!! Now...he no longer laughed about it but "what are today's menu?". My mum finally called in the late afternoon wondering if I had gone out and also informed me of their whereabout. Nowadays, I seldom go out. Conserving my energy as I'm easily tired. I think my daily medication is not as stable like before. Can't wait for next my medical appointment. I guess I need to arrange with Syed Izman, to send and fetch me to work daily until I'm ok. No joke! my back hurts too! Oh..man..what a set back!!!

I'm alright

Feeling blue! I hate it when I'm feeling blue...my tears will just appear at the corner of my eyes at any slightest sadness in me. Worse if I were to listen to any blue songs....the tears unshamefully flows out eagerly...Oh man..! I got to listen to my 'Wake Up' song, the "Calling" again and again until I regain myself.

I went to the office early today...can't sleep last night. It was 3:00am and my eyes still wide open....my head felt heavy...my mind was like talking and talking with my innerself..."Can't you please shut up for once! I am tired! Just too tired! I need my sleep!"

Listening to the "Calling" over and over and over and over again! My eyes focused on the hero, "Cloud", who was riding on his dynamite bike. Got to imagined what is like to ride, speeding off on that stretch and sing along until it absorbed the blue in me. Hey! it worked! I started my day by checking out the Cakapgold and then my blogs. Busied myself as usual, surfing! Almost noon..GG checked on me. Maybe he was eager to know on what I thought about his personal blog. Honestly I didn't have the time to read all. I was too messy last night...can't think straight! Maybe he was wondering how was I doing today...we had a looong chat after he got to know I was 'down n under below sea level' last night.

Happy Birthday, Noraini! Thank god as I almost forgot about this. It was 3:00pm...I knew I was missing something today. I can't believe that I left her birthday present at home. Told her the reason I went to Midvalley yesterday was to get her a birthday toy! hahahahaha...She's as jovial as ever! This time she doesn't mind to communicate via Instant Messenger. We chatted until 5:00pm....Her boss and my boss have gone abroad...so, thats fine in occupying our time for today.

"Yuna, are you ok now? Cause..we need to work" ...says my mind

"Let it rest for awhile baby...she need her Final Fantasy to bring her calms..." says my innerself

"I'm with you!" says my worned out fingers (from typing!!)

Long distance Hello (?)

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Y: Hello?

R: Yuna? It's that you? It's me!

Y: Me who? Identify yourself please (but I know who...my world is spinning..I don't want this!)

R: ....pause..(but I can hear him sigh).. It's Ron..Rizman!....pause again...

Y:...(can't say a word...grasping for air? choking? whatever can't think)

R: Yuna! I was just thinking...pause...of you today...I had to call

Y: And? (my tears just flowing down slowly...can't believe I'm talking ...with a ghost!)

R: I'm in Germany and bla..bla..bla..bla..and I met this malay family....pause...

Y: So? What does that got to do with me, Riz (aka Ronnie)

R: Are you crying? I'm sorry...pause...

Y: (Can't say a word)....silent...

R: Just thinking about you...pause...these years, Yuna

Y: And?

R: Please.., I don't know how to begin....pause ...or where to begin, girl. I don't know about you ....

Y: Whats about?

R: About us...I meant about us...hello? you there?

Y: I'm listening...Riz 2 years..what now Riz? (choking with words)

R: You sound angry, I don't blame you girl..(conversation cut in)

Y: Look, what exactly you want now? What do you want me to say Riz? You let me down!

R: Please..I know! I asked you to wait, I'm sorry Yuna ...I am Yuna

Y: Is that it? You're sorry? (Actually I want to hear him say the L words...because I wonder..Always...)

R: Maybe I (?).......Are you crying girl? I'm sorry Yuna

Y: I think you better go...I can't right now..I can't...not now...

R: o..k.. (softly spoken)..just calling ya..thinking about you ya...hmmm..I'm sorry...again

Click! .........................................................................................

It was just 10 minutes after I posted, "When You Believe" by Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston, at Cakapgold forum. Ronnie or Rizman (his malay name he chose himself) called unexpectedly. I was suprised and speechless. But yet I'm glad,.. just to hear his voice after 2 years...of exhile? disappearence? whatever? like going invisible...The thought of him..brought me back to yester years...an open wound which was left unattended.. I felt sadness engulfing my yearnings for.. or whatever...mixed feelings...that throughout our conversation, I just cried softly. I tried to hide the pain I endured these years with Ronnie and my sickness. The thought that he didn't even mentioned that he missed me or love me still...I just can't take it anymore. I felt angry...though he was sorry. We didn't say much..we still didn't say 'IT' (just now)...like we didn't said 'IT' back then. Did we blew it again? Honestly, I don't know if he ever call me again. It took him 2 years to convey whatever messages ...whatever you call it as stated above. Hmmm 2 years...

Wednesday fun day!

Not much to do today at the office. The Big Boss has flew to Teheran. The office is quiet. And before boredom creeping in, I busied with my blogs and posting some articles at Cakapgold.com forum. By doing so, I may have more free time surfing the internet tonight. I was reading a member's blog which was very interesting and full of good jokes when GG barged in. I was startled, didn't expect him to YM anyway. So we chat for awhile. I always enjoyed his company...full of surprises and at times he keeps me on my toes challenging my sanity. We're like cats and dogs and at times we're wolves howling at the full moon but whatever!

My friend, Noraini called 4 times today. She sounded angry. No...not at me. But at one blunder her office colleague has done today. She seek my opinion on what she should do to teach that unethical blunder person a lesson. Noraini has always many things to say. And she's a fast talker too...Oh my!my! It is best you keep your ears to the ground. Yeah, just listening! She hates with the Instant Messenger as typing is rather tiring, said she. Besides calling up...she sent me emails on the latest office gossips and some jokes.

She once said, "Yuna! during the Summit, you can eat as many times as you like at the ***** hotel. I will cover for you ha..ha..ha..!" Oh! I forgot to informed you that there will a Media Summit in Kuala Lumpur. Like every year I will voluntarily helping out the sister company. Got to meet and greet the VIPs from the locals and the International Organisations. Will be busy for 5 days. It will be fun but I'm already missing someone thinking of it.....

Fernand (legal officer) comes in showing a 'Peace' sign to me. Smiling! Always! In black and white, Always! Cheery face! Always! Stop for a short chat! Always! With the Korean, Always! Since his wife is a Korean...I guess he felt belonging and comfortable to mix with them. The Koreans are always grouped together. They hardly mix with others (?) Before he left (with the Korean again) the office, he said "Yuna! today I'm declaring that tomorrow shall be a public holiday in respect of the King's coronation day" he jokes. Well, we all know that since the big boss has already announced it last week. He only got to know it from me yesterday. Nice try, Fernand! Just gives me a good joke where I would be laughing my head off next time.

Inside Your Heaven By Carrie Underwood

Life

I don't know if you disagree with me or not. Well, read on.

Today I would like to focus on life. When we were borned...there must be a reason that we exist in this world. Combination of an XX and XY, developed into a single cell, divided into many, and then a foetus to which later born as a baby and a human being.

Here I am today standing on two feet in this world. A spinning world and goes around and around from east to west that also goes spinning around the sun's orbit. Life goes around that way too. Before life.....life.....after life...it applys to every life. Be it a short life or a long life. Be it in poor or rich. Good or Bad. Whatever!

We strive to live in this world. To live as most comfortable as we can. An adaptation. Reaching out and touching other life to be part of our circle or their circles. Whatever it is...a circle or a sphere of life.

And to live as a single life..going from one stage to another stage to be whatever in life... in the end is lifeless! whatever that be...

On the judgement days, the life circle will be unfold...flat! To be weighted. To be placed. To be assigned. Depends on our deeds. To be in heaven or hell. To be with Satan or to be with god and his holy men. To the disbeliever..to be whatever it may be (?) another recycle of life? Whatever that is...!

So look deep into yourself...it is about you...your life...your circle is still rolling until it STOP and becomes lifeless....Do you want to be inside the heaven? Eternity? where real life begins......

Today's catch

Today it is like catching up with whatever! Yeah..whatever....

1.GG caught up with me explaining the reason he left abrupty last night. I know GG that you were burned out and you know I hate it! So call it even ok...

2. My mum called ...yesterday we had a misunderstanding so we talked with open arms. Now mother and daughter's problem has solved. You know...it is not easy to be the 'Pillar of Strength' to everyone at home. My back is about to break!

3. A few ardent fans of my blogs...catching up with my latest news...ouch! Shall not expose too much the next time. "Hey! do your blog please..Yuna would love to read it!"

4. My 'Girl Talk' friend, Nur, with the good news on Nurfera effect with dengue fever. Her family is recovering. "Nur, Yuna hope to chat with you soon."

5. GG once again. He is love sick today, excuse me!...with his girl la...but Aiyoo....always fall with the same old tactic! hmmm ...so be it!

6. Catching up with my "Sifu", Suha! Another class to attend because "Curiosity kills the cat"
Sifu doesn't mind to handle this Ms Cat.

7. GG SMS..."Burned out!" Hei, Yuna too la...!

So goodnight everyone!

Reunion!

My long lost friend, Ayob, called me last Sunday about our class reunion that falls on the 21st April, 2007. Almost everyone will be there. But I've forgotten about it until he called once again last Wednesday.."Hello Yuna, aren't you coming?" Ayob wanted to catch up with lots of things with me...boy, he was pretty mad when I didn't attend his wedding. He's now a proud father of 5 months old baby boy. He usually run to me seeking my opinions and advises whenever he had problems. He added "My little boy gave me sleepless nights Yuna but its worth it..I'm still adjusting to it!" We laughed!

I don't know how to tell my mum yet about this reunion. I wanted to go desperately. I'd love to meet the gangs once again and see their progressment and how they have aged and fatten..ha..ha..ha..ha..Wow, I wonder how they will analyse me then..ouch! I SMS Ayob today but also with no promises yet. Told him about my dad been hospitalised. He got annoyed with my negativeness.."Yuna! ala...high tea la..or just drop by for a short period! You didn't even come to my wedding!" ..wow he STILL want to score that with me.

At Hotel Singgahsana, wow wee...what a reunion! Met the gals and the guys and some goons too. It was just a gathering with no frills and fancy welcoming. But very modest. We talk and talk and talk like our school days. Some brought pictures of their family. Me? Just me alone...ha...ha..that will do just yet. My classmates, Imran and Shah were there too. It was great to catch up with them. Shah asked me about Ronnie. So I sang a little part of "Da doo ron ron, da doo ron ron " by Shaun Cassidy. "Ha?" Shah was puzzled. Thats ok Shah, and I told him what had happened. Though Shah is married with 2 kids...he still kind of protective like before. The girls...the most noisy pots but with lots of jokes to go by. Hello, Sheena, Faizah, Jus and Hazlina! But my spent was short lived as I have to rushed home to fetch my family to the hospital. Anyway, next time people...next time!

Stop! to ponders

Life should be so simple. The way I see it. The way I want it to be. Sometimes we think, we wish, we dream and we hope of something we want it to be that way. Can we achieved it? If not, it was just a well wishes like "If only I could".

When I'm doing something...I do it sincerely. No question ask. I sacrifice my time and passion in it. "Sincererity" a word not many people understand it. The say "it" but can their heart follow or apply to "it" ?

To me;

• Sincererity is the food for my body and soul
• Passion is where my heart is
• Sweetness is my memory
• Sacrificial is my undivided time and love
• Security is my fortress
• Honesty is my best policy
• Friendship is my chain factor of life
• Love is my undying love for one
• Happiness is my entertainment
• Time is my spending life
• Freedom is my road to live
• Simplicity is the key to everything
• Final Fantasy is my calmings

Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Ending - The Calling

Final Fantasy's effect

When you are scared...where is your secret hiding places? Mine, anywhere anytime my Final Fantasy. The only places I'd go to ease my whatever pain and whatever that is frightening. I just listen to their music or watch any of their video clips at YouTube. My world from whatever turmoil warps into another Fantasy world. It is the only world I know that soothes and calm me. Some how it gives me strength to a new day. Strange? It works for me.

In fact right now, I'm listening to 'The Calling' from the Advent Children. I don't mind listening to it over and over again until I'm fully recover. Strange? Maybe different people have different ways of regaining their strength and spirit. I do pray and seek guidance through his path. But I still need a 'Sounding" effect for a miracle energy that I need. If only you would understand.

You think I'm day dreaming? Perhaps? But Final Fantasy worlds ....I'm able to relate so much. Hey! I am Yuna am I not? I rest my case.........

Get well soon

It was a hectic day today. We (my mum, grandma and I) had been going up and down to the hospital today, besides a few stops to buy some necessities. My dad was hospitalised. Very exhausted indeed but I'm glad he's ok now. "Dad, I wish you a speedy recovery! God speed!"

Thank you, GG!

Reminising back my involvement with Cakapgold forum.

It is almost 2 months now I befriended with GG. Four months ago I don't know much about internet working. To me it was just surfing for something or was just looking for a reliable program that makes money online. Totally on my own. No guidance at all. How naive! Didn't know any on local and international community or whatever marketing strategies. How silly! But being me...maybe I'm a bit strong headed and a go getter person....I pursued and ventured into that line. Yes, ALONE! I'm a loner anyway. How bold am I!

Until one day I came across Cakapgold.com at Googles. "Hey, isn't the word 'Cakap' is a malay language?" I was curioused, so I clicked. Yes it is! A local forum. During that time I didn't know there are many local forums existed. ha..ha..ha..ha..How stupid I was! Really! Well, thats the price for being a loner. I didn't think twice to become a member. At least I feel at home and no longer feel alone anymore. I got excited everday posting remarks and whatever stories in there. It was fun! Totally fun! My most favourite charactor in that forum was Pringles! His messages was short, sweet and funny. He makes me laughed. I always looking forward for any of his postings. Yes, until today. I like his attitude.

Also during that time I wasn't aware of the ranks given in that community. Until I was one of the top poster in the Cakapgold forum. So what? I was just having fun posting funny remarks.Then I began to understand the internet business are about. Risky business...Scam..ponzy...Be the first or the earliest in the internet investment..autosurfing..and whatever. To which later I realised that communication was SO important in the internet thingy and began to update whatever it should plus registering to Yahoo Messenger. And WOW! a number of fellowmen and girls contacted me...being a top poster...I think, they thought I'm one of the gurus...Oh please...that was so embarassing!

Anyway that was how I got to know GG. In the end we became good friends. Through him..., maybe I should thank him for his guidances, support, advices, his patience and companion during my hard times. I understand your sacrifices you have showered me dear. Yes, GG I am so obliged and honoured.

Foolish game

Gotcha!

I don't know where to start or how to start. Ok let's put it this way. I feel like a fool, perhaps an idiot. Or had I been played or whatever.

I was working on my blog...the more blogs you have...the busier you become. That's my mission...working on my blogs!. Other mission, helping out GG with his "whatever" stuff. I received Matte Syed's email yesterday...asking if I'm with him for the "Gold Pot" mission. He's a Malaysian but lives in Canada...wonder when will he ever comes back to his homeland. Anyway been telling him about GG's new interest and thus seeking him and his buddies' supportmentship. Hmmm..can't wait to tell GG about it.

Yeah, wait! While waiting for GG, I had quite a number of fellowmen eager on getting to know me. Kind of distraction when your mind is working on something. GG's male bestfriend has been entertaining me last night. (or was it just a diversion made by these duo?) Hmmm...he has never been in such a jovial mood before. He's happy because he finally got in touch with his x-girlfriend. Oh well, I'm happy for him at least he took his steps to rebuilt his long lost relationship with his girl. Unlike GG still hung up with his ex. X-file? Whatever GG, like Yuna has said it before, it is your call. To be or not to be..you have to make your move to pursue. But whatever!

So been waiting,...and waited...and waited...and waited..SMS and calls that I've make...and waited...and waited...and waited....and waited...like I'm whatever. It is not nice to be kept waiting. It is not a gentleman neither to keep a lady in waiting. Infact it is so disrespectful. Not again!!!! In the end it was so late in whatever. Whatever it may be. He didn't get it. He thought I would be waiting for his goodnight trademark...oh please...,then gave me whatever songs perhaps to make up with me...oh please GG,...and that 'girls' are like these..so emotional and confused...oh please,....Oh man...is he for real? "GG oi,...just go to sleep and let it be....maybe tomorrow it will knock some senses in you"

I hope you enjoyed your waiting game you played. For I , I didn't enjoyed it ...not one bit!

Anyone out there...would you do that to your friend? What about your bestfriend?

Thank you. Roger and out!!!