Listening to Foster the People, the ‘Waste’…to start my day with.
I’ve been thinking a lot of late...A LOT! I know I’m not ok since I’m easily agitated or cry…you may put me as spiritually restless. I am still looking for answers…’Justification’, ‘my purpose’ and ‘God’.
I am very much like my late grandma…quiet, resilient, hard working and able endure whatever shit that’s been given or treated…and lonely. Everyone loves her as she was like a savior and an angel to us (her grand children). But now, I’m looking at it from a different angle…perhaps walking the distance like her…deep in me, there is anger, dissatisfaction, unjust …whatever negatives dying to erupt…the only words that came out first was/is ‘Why me? Why me, God?’
To refrain from getting hurt, she rather live alone and independent. She has abundance of love and kindness, however, not much was in return. By voicing it out, meaning she would be taken as insincere in her offerings and kindness. I am beginning to face the same effect. And I don’t want to die (one day) when my soul still looking for answers and thinking of, why I did not DO something?
I don’t want to hurt anyone but please please don’t hurt me… T_T
Perhaps there's someone who can turn me around, treat me better and save me. Amen!
