R: Yuna? It's that you? It's me!
Y: Me who? Identify yourself please (but I know who...my world is spinning..I don't want this!)
R: ....pause..(but I can hear him sigh).. It's Ron..Rizman!....pause again...
Y:...(can't say a word...grasping for air? choking? whatever can't think)
R: Yuna! I was just thinking...pause...of you today...I had to call
Y: And? (my tears just flowing down slowly...can't believe I'm talking ...with a ghost!)
R: I'm in Germany and bla..bla..bla..bla..and I met this malay family....pause...
Y: So? What does that got to do with me, Riz (aka Ronnie)
R: Are you crying? I'm sorry...pause...
Y: (Can't say a word)....silent...
R: Just thinking about you...pause...these years, Yuna
Y: And?
R: Please.., I don't know how to begin....pause ...or where to begin, girl. I don't know about you ....
Y: Whats about?
R: About us...I meant about us...hello? you there?
Y: I'm listening...Riz 2 years..what now Riz? (choking with words)
R: You sound angry, I don't blame you girl..(conversation cut in)
Y: Look, what exactly you want now? What do you want me to say Riz? You let me down!
R: Please..I know! I asked you to wait, I'm sorry Yuna ...I am Yuna
Y: Is that it? You're sorry? (Actually I want to hear him say the L words...because I wonder..Always...)
R: Maybe I (?).......Are you crying girl? I'm sorry Yuna
Y: I think you better go...I can't right now..I can't...not now...
R: o..k.. (softly spoken)..just calling ya..thinking about you ya...hmmm..I'm sorry...again
Click! .........................................................................................
It was just 10 minutes after I posted, "When You Believe" by Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston, at Cakapgold forum. Ronnie or Rizman (his malay name he chose himself) called unexpectedly. I was suprised and speechless. But yet I'm glad,.. just to hear his voice after 2 years...of exhile? disappearence? whatever? like going invisible...The thought of him..brought me back to yester years...an open wound which was left unattended.. I felt sadness engulfing my yearnings for.. or whatever...mixed feelings...that throughout our conversation, I just cried softly. I tried to hide the pain I endured these years with Ronnie and my sickness. The thought that he didn't even mentioned that he missed me or love me still...I just can't take it anymore. I felt angry...though he was sorry. We didn't say much..we still didn't say 'IT' (just now)...like we didn't said 'IT' back then. Did we blew it again? Honestly, I don't know if he ever call me again. It took him 2 years to convey whatever messages ...whatever you call it as stated above. Hmmm 2 years...
No comments:
Post a Comment